Tag Archives: loss

Love is Grief is Love is…

You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. Thoughts of your dear one consume every moment you’re awake and asleep.

GRIEF comes slowly. It knocks softly on the door, at first. Then, it becomes more insistent as the weeks and months go by, until it hits you in the face: It is Grief, and it is here.

Grief comes quickly. You are walking along, minding your own business. Everything is fine with the world, and then, Bam! There is Grief. It is shocking in its intensity. You try to deny it, but all the signs are there, and it cannot be denied. Sudden Grief can only be accepted, and only by those who are strong enough to handle its bombshell.

Grief affects every single cell in your body. You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat (or you eat more than you should). Thoughts of Grief and of the one you Lost consume every moment while you’re awake and while you sleep.

Grief makes you think you’re going crazy. Your thoughts become irrational. You think of the past and of the future. Even when you want to concentrate on the moment, the enormity of Grief makes it difficult.

Why Grief, you wonder? Why Grief now? Is this really real? This feels too horrible to be true. The intensity of Grief stops you in your tracks. It wants your undivided attention. No longer can you spend time on the mundane. Grief must be dealt with—must be processed—first.

You who can process Grief can move forward into a new, peaceful coexistence with the one you Lost. You who deny Grief are stuck in its grasp. Even though a tranquil life is ahead, it is around a bend in the road. Processing Grief places you at the bend, and that is where you can see your new life. The one you Lost is there and brings beauty to your life. You can breathe and function again. And yes, there is Love off in the distance when the time is right and not a moment before.

Grief is what it is. Accepting and embracing Grief make it real. When Grief arrives, invite it in. Let it stay as long as it wants to. Don’t speed it up. Don’t slow it down. Let it take you on the journey you need. Grief is not an anomaly. It is not abnormal. It is not an exception to Life’s rules. It is not to be denied. Whether Grief arrives slowly or quickly, it is meant to be embraced and integrated. Grief will forever change you for the better, if only you will let it.

 

LOVE comes slowly. It knocks softly on the door, at first. Then, it becomes more insistent as the weeks and months go by, until it hits you in the face: It is Love, and it is here.

Love comes quickly. You are walking along, minding your own business. Everything is fine with the world, and then, Bam! There is Love. It is shocking in its intensity. You try to deny it, but all the signs are there, and it cannot be denied. Sudden Love can only be accepted, and only by those who are strong enough to handle its bombshell.

Love affects every single cell in your body. You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat (or you eat more than you should). Thoughts of Love and of the one you Found consume every moment while you’re awake and while you sleep.

Love makes you think you’re going crazy. Your thoughts become irrational. You think of the past and of the future. Even when you want to concentrate on the moment, the enormity of Love makes it difficult.

Why Love, you wonder? Why Love now? Is this really real? This feels too wonderful to be true. The intensity of Love stops you in your tracks. It wants your undivided attention. No longer can you spend time on the mundane. Love must be dealt with—must be processed—first.

You who can process Love can move forward into a new, peaceful coexistence with the one you Found. You who deny Love are stuck in its grasp. Even though a tranquil life is ahead, it is around a bend in the road. Processing Love places you at the bend, and that is where you can see your new life. The one you Found is there and brings beauty to your life. You can breathe and function again. And yes, there is Grief off in the distance when the time is right and not a moment before.

Love is what it is. Accepting and embracing Love make it real. When Love arrives, invite it in. Let it stay as long as it wants to. Don’t speed it up. Don’t slow it down. Let it take you on the journey you need. Love is not an anomaly. It is not abnormal. It is not an exception to Life’s rules. It is not to be denied. Whether Love arrives slowly or quickly, it is meant to be embraced and integrated. Love will forever change you for the better, if only you will let it.

Namaste,  Sheryl

lifeismessy

Life Is Messy

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.” – Haruki Murakami (1949-)

What’s the difference between happy people and troubled people? It’s the way they process the messiness of their lives. I used to know a grown woman who was very unhappy and walked around feeling jealous of the happy people she met. She complained that life had handed her a miserable existence, and it wasn’t fair that other people didn’t have problems like she did. I was a child at that time, and so I took her assessment to be the truth.

In case you’re one of those folks who thinks those of us who walk around with a grin have an exemption from life’s storms, maybe I can help you join the ranks of the happy. I am a people watcher, an observer of life, and I have an insatiable curiosity about people and how they go about their lives. What I have noticed is that The Creator exempts NO ONE from pitfalls, tragedies and serious problems. It’s the people who, when their lives are a mess, ACCEPT that their lives are a mess who can walk out of the storm, as Haruki Murakami writes above.

I have two good friends, both of whom lost their husbands — one to choices on his part that ended the marriage and one to death. The first friend is struggling to believe that he did what he did and that her marriage is over. She wants the pain to end. She wants the storm to be over. She wants everything to be like it used to be. The second friend came to peace with her husband’s death within a few months. Yes, she had lost, but she immersed herself in her grief and then, she was able to see what she had gained. You can guess which of my friends is now experiencing happiness.

So, what are the steps to turning the messiness of life into happiness?

  1. Acknowledge your losses. Talk or write out them out. Get help from a professional counselor; the good ones help you acknowledge your pain at a rate that won’t devastate you.
  2. Grieve your losses. Some of your dreams will never come true. Some people will not be in your life, or at least, not in the way you’d like them to be in your life.
  3. Make your losses matter. Use them to do something positive for someone else. American TV personality John Walsh turned the abduction and murder of his son into a crusade which contributed to the capture of more than 1000 fugitives. Use your losses to shape your character in a way that softens you and makes you empathetic to others.
  4. Walk through your losses into your new life. Your life will never be the same. It’s not supposed to. You are more empathetic now. You appreciate sunrises more. You don’t take for granted that you will be alive tomorrow. You consider any day without a tragedy a beautiful one, and guess what? That puts a smile on your face!

Namaste,  Sheryl

Life Is Hard

“I can handle anything life throws at me.”

Not long ago, I came upon a quotation I can only now paraphrase. It said that this life is full of problems and struggles, and that acknowledging that fact can bring us peace.

How many times are we fed the nonsense that we must always feel good? Life has too many down moments. I have met some truly happy people, and none of them are without significant problems and events. They are happy, because they know that life brings them positive and negative moments, and it’s easier to feel peaceful during a tough situation when you know it’s  temporary and soon to be balanced out by easy times.

Accepting the pain and yes, agony, of tragic situations helps us to grieve our losses. Washing ourselves in authentic anguish brings to the surface our pain and causes us to release emotions which, if trapped inside, would otherwise incapacitate us.

In the welcoming of the agony of life’s losses, we can also welcome the new opportunities and blessings that come with them, too. And in those moments, we find joy in knowing we can handle anything life throws at us.

Namaste, Sheryl

God Talks About Tragedy

May 6, 2015

Sheryl: Hey, God.

God: Hey, incredible Me.

S: There’s no need to tell you what’s been going on in my world. [For my readers, on March 20, 2015, my husband and father of four, including our two minor children, died suddenly and unexpectedly while we were on vacation in Florida.]

G: Yeah… (sadly)

S: It seems like a cruel joke, sometimes. It seems like so many things were going right. And then the world seemed just to crumble from underneath our feet.

G: Yeah… (sadly)

S: You didn’t cause this? But you had a hand in it?

G: That’s right. I have a hand in everything. And I’m here to pick up the pieces with you.

S: Thank you.

G: (hug)  Your life is still perfection. It doesn’t feel that way, and no one would trade places with you; but still, it is perfect.

S: It just has the illusion of being a tumultuous, earthquake-shaken roller coaster in the dark?

G: Yeah. (sad laugh) That’s a pretty horrible disguise, isn’t it?


 

I offer my conversation with The Creator of All to you in love and peace. The truth is, each one of us who communicates directly with The Creator can learn different lessons about tragedy and death. Thus is the complexity and enormity of The Creator of All.

I invite you to go to that quiet place and reach out to The Creator to speak about life, death or whatever may be on your mind. Please share with us the message The Creator has for you.

Namaste, Sheryl

We Can Be Mended

We Can Be Mended

“Happy Choosing Day,” she says. “I’m going to ask you how you really are. And you’re going to give me an honest answer.”

“I’m all right,” I say. “It’s hard. It always will be.”

“Yeah, sometimes life really sucks,” she says. “But you know what I’m holding on for?”

I raise my eyebrows.

She raises hers, too, mimicking me.

“The moments that don’t suck,” she says. “The trick is to notice them when they come around.”

Then she smiles, and I smile back, and we climb the stairs to the train platform side by side.


Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.

—  From Allegiant by Veronica Roth

 

My tween daughter is enjoying the post-apocalyptic, sci-fi stories like Hunger Games, The Giver and Divergent.  Allegiant is the third book in the Divergent series and I am reading the books along with her. This quotation comes from the end of the book after the heroes of the story have taken great risk and suffered tremendous loss in order to bring about justice.

What I appreciate about this quotation are the heroes, first, acknowledging their losses and second, taking responsibility for improving their own lives. It’s not necessary for them to hold grudges. Nor do they sugar-coat their pain. They go on with their lives, looking for “the moments that don’t suck” and finding ways to mend themselves and others.

Namaste, Sheryl