Tag Archives: acceptance

Love is Grief is Love is…

You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. Thoughts of your dear one consume every moment you’re awake and asleep.

GRIEF comes slowly. It knocks softly on the door, at first. Then, it becomes more insistent as the weeks and months go by, until it hits you in the face: It is Grief, and it is here.

Grief comes quickly. You are walking along, minding your own business. Everything is fine with the world, and then, Bam! There is Grief. It is shocking in its intensity. You try to deny it, but all the signs are there, and it cannot be denied. Sudden Grief can only be accepted, and only by those who are strong enough to handle its bombshell.

Grief affects every single cell in your body. You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat (or you eat more than you should). Thoughts of Grief and of the one you Lost consume every moment while you’re awake and while you sleep.

Grief makes you think you’re going crazy. Your thoughts become irrational. You think of the past and of the future. Even when you want to concentrate on the moment, the enormity of Grief makes it difficult.

Why Grief, you wonder? Why Grief now? Is this really real? This feels too horrible to be true. The intensity of Grief stops you in your tracks. It wants your undivided attention. No longer can you spend time on the mundane. Grief must be dealt with—must be processed—first.

You who can process Grief can move forward into a new, peaceful coexistence with the one you Lost. You who deny Grief are stuck in its grasp. Even though a tranquil life is ahead, it is around a bend in the road. Processing Grief places you at the bend, and that is where you can see your new life. The one you Lost is there and brings beauty to your life. You can breathe and function again. And yes, there is Love off in the distance when the time is right and not a moment before.

Grief is what it is. Accepting and embracing Grief make it real. When Grief arrives, invite it in. Let it stay as long as it wants to. Don’t speed it up. Don’t slow it down. Let it take you on the journey you need. Grief is not an anomaly. It is not abnormal. It is not an exception to Life’s rules. It is not to be denied. Whether Grief arrives slowly or quickly, it is meant to be embraced and integrated. Grief will forever change you for the better, if only you will let it.

 

LOVE comes slowly. It knocks softly on the door, at first. Then, it becomes more insistent as the weeks and months go by, until it hits you in the face: It is Love, and it is here.

Love comes quickly. You are walking along, minding your own business. Everything is fine with the world, and then, Bam! There is Love. It is shocking in its intensity. You try to deny it, but all the signs are there, and it cannot be denied. Sudden Love can only be accepted, and only by those who are strong enough to handle its bombshell.

Love affects every single cell in your body. You can’t breathe. You can’t sleep. You can’t eat (or you eat more than you should). Thoughts of Love and of the one you Found consume every moment while you’re awake and while you sleep.

Love makes you think you’re going crazy. Your thoughts become irrational. You think of the past and of the future. Even when you want to concentrate on the moment, the enormity of Love makes it difficult.

Why Love, you wonder? Why Love now? Is this really real? This feels too wonderful to be true. The intensity of Love stops you in your tracks. It wants your undivided attention. No longer can you spend time on the mundane. Love must be dealt with—must be processed—first.

You who can process Love can move forward into a new, peaceful coexistence with the one you Found. You who deny Love are stuck in its grasp. Even though a tranquil life is ahead, it is around a bend in the road. Processing Love places you at the bend, and that is where you can see your new life. The one you Found is there and brings beauty to your life. You can breathe and function again. And yes, there is Grief off in the distance when the time is right and not a moment before.

Love is what it is. Accepting and embracing Love make it real. When Love arrives, invite it in. Let it stay as long as it wants to. Don’t speed it up. Don’t slow it down. Let it take you on the journey you need. Love is not an anomaly. It is not abnormal. It is not an exception to Life’s rules. It is not to be denied. Whether Love arrives slowly or quickly, it is meant to be embraced and integrated. Love will forever change you for the better, if only you will let it.

Namaste,  Sheryl

lifeismessy

Life Is Messy

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.” – Haruki Murakami (1949-)

What’s the difference between happy people and troubled people? It’s the way they process the messiness of their lives. I used to know a grown woman who was very unhappy and walked around feeling jealous of the happy people she met. She complained that life had handed her a miserable existence, and it wasn’t fair that other people didn’t have problems like she did. I was a child at that time, and so I took her assessment to be the truth.

In case you’re one of those folks who thinks those of us who walk around with a grin have an exemption from life’s storms, maybe I can help you join the ranks of the happy. I am a people watcher, an observer of life, and I have an insatiable curiosity about people and how they go about their lives. What I have noticed is that The Creator exempts NO ONE from pitfalls, tragedies and serious problems. It’s the people who, when their lives are a mess, ACCEPT that their lives are a mess who can walk out of the storm, as Haruki Murakami writes above.

I have two good friends, both of whom lost their husbands — one to choices on his part that ended the marriage and one to death. The first friend is struggling to believe that he did what he did and that her marriage is over. She wants the pain to end. She wants the storm to be over. She wants everything to be like it used to be. The second friend came to peace with her husband’s death within a few months. Yes, she had lost, but she immersed herself in her grief and then, she was able to see what she had gained. You can guess which of my friends is now experiencing happiness.

So, what are the steps to turning the messiness of life into happiness?

  1. Acknowledge your losses. Talk or write out them out. Get help from a professional counselor; the good ones help you acknowledge your pain at a rate that won’t devastate you.
  2. Grieve your losses. Some of your dreams will never come true. Some people will not be in your life, or at least, not in the way you’d like them to be in your life.
  3. Make your losses matter. Use them to do something positive for someone else. American TV personality John Walsh turned the abduction and murder of his son into a crusade which contributed to the capture of more than 1000 fugitives. Use your losses to shape your character in a way that softens you and makes you empathetic to others.
  4. Walk through your losses into your new life. Your life will never be the same. It’s not supposed to. You are more empathetic now. You appreciate sunrises more. You don’t take for granted that you will be alive tomorrow. You consider any day without a tragedy a beautiful one, and guess what? That puts a smile on your face!

Namaste,  Sheryl

Life Is Hard

“I can handle anything life throws at me.”

Not long ago, I came upon a quotation I can only now paraphrase. It said that this life is full of problems and struggles, and that acknowledging that fact can bring us peace.

How many times are we fed the nonsense that we must always feel good? Life has too many down moments. I have met some truly happy people, and none of them are without significant problems and events. They are happy, because they know that life brings them positive and negative moments, and it’s easier to feel peaceful during a tough situation when you know it’s  temporary and soon to be balanced out by easy times.

Accepting the pain and yes, agony, of tragic situations helps us to grieve our losses. Washing ourselves in authentic anguish brings to the surface our pain and causes us to release emotions which, if trapped inside, would otherwise incapacitate us.

In the welcoming of the agony of life’s losses, we can also welcome the new opportunities and blessings that come with them, too. And in those moments, we find joy in knowing we can handle anything life throws at us.

Namaste, Sheryl

A Trusted Friend

Has this ever happened to you?… You meet someone you like. You get to know her. You have a lot of interests in common, and you start hanging out together. You learn about him, and he learns about you. And when things are going so well that you are sure you can pour your entire heart out to this person, you find out that you have a fundamental difference with her. Maybe it’s a difference in politics or his stance on abortion.
 
This is so disappointing, right?
 
Unless… Unless, you can know this is to be expected. Always! 
 
Yes, you will find lots of people who will support and love you and with whom you can make fun and wonderful memories. And yes, you will have at least one fundamental difference with every one of them. Even your life partners! Especially your children!
 
There is but one “person” with whom you have every single thing in common, with whom you will never find a fundamental difference. The Creator of All created you in Her/His image, and for that reason alone, you will easily be able to discuss any and all subjects with Her/Him.
 
Aren’t you glad you’re one of the millions of people who has a direct connection with The Creator of All? I am!
 
Namaste,
   Sheryl

What is it to Be Real?

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams


 

According to Margery Williams, it is difficult to be Real. Those who damage easily or are high maintenance don’t often become Real. It is those who have been subjected to the rough play of life, who can get knocked around a bit without falling apart, who become Real. It’s when life REALLY loves you that you become Real.

What does it look like when life REALLY loves us? Meaningful risks resulting in great rewards…and in great losses, too. Caring for someone so deeply that we will trade everything we have to keep them with us…and having them leave. Giving a cause our last bit of energy because we know it’s deserving…and having it not be enough.

When we invite life to REALLY love us, we become shabby and war-torn. We know the sweetness of victory, as well as the agony of defeat. Maybe the Skin Horse could have admitted that Real people do mind getting hurt, it’s just the risk of missing out on love and adventure is worth the pain and agony that may come along with it. Sure, we may appear ugly to the majority of the fragile, high-maintenance people. To the Real people, we cannot be ugly.

The Creator of All loves and respects each of us equally in our journeys through this life. Rest assured, if you find yourself considered ugly by people because you became Real, your Creator will never see you as ugly.

Who, do you think, is more Real than The Creator of All?

Namaste,  Sheryl

Love of Self

Good day, friends. On Facebook, I am a member of a discussion group for the author Anita Moorjani. One of the other members posted this quotation from Charlie Chaplin, and it struck me so profoundly that I had to share it with you:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY.”
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT.”


As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY.”


As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE.”


As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY.”


As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF.”


As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY.”


As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT.”


As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART.”


We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE!”
— Sir Charles Chaplin (1889-1977)

Namaste,  Sheryl

Your True Self

Your True Self

January 19, 2015

Sheryl: Hey, God…

God: Hi, Supreme You! Look at you go. How does it feel to be your true self?

Sheryl: It’s hard to put it into words. I would say it’s magical, because I’m following what I love, what I’m good at and I have this certain innate knowledge that is “right.”

God: For our readers, let me ask you some questions. Are you concerned about money or that what you’re doing will earn money?

Sheryl: No. I have a conviction that every material thing I need is here and that anything I need in the future will be present in the future.

God: Are you concerned about other people or what they may think of you?

Sheryl: No. I feel no concern about others’ opinions of me. I will say that I have new confidence about embracing people who support me and about letting go of those who don’t. I want to draw near those who love me and say farewell to those with whom I’m not compatible. I don’t feel emotional about this. It’s just a practical understanding of what I need to be me.

God: What are you worried about?

Sheryl: Returning to my old way of living.

God: The past is in the past. Leave it there. (voice of strong authority)

How does it feel to be free?

Sheryl: I did not build the original prison of limitation that I lived in the last 50 years. However, I spent a lot of resources to maintain and reinforce it. Now, I have knocked a huge hole in the wall, enough to see a new, unlimited reality. I understand that the prison won’t dissolve like sugar in water, but it will slowly deteriorate without maintenance, and as you just said, I don’t have to look back at it.

So, it feels amazing to be me. I have not known real appreciation for myself until now, and my life is forever better.

God: Did you know that I am you and you are me?

Sheryl: You’ve impressed that upon me for a long time. Deep down I’ve known it. I am tempted to say that I wasted our creative power with my life so far, but I appreciate myself too much to be harsh.

God: Good girl.

Sheryl: It’s a journey, and I just get to be grateful for the present moment.

God: Your past brought you here, and it is gone. The future will be here soon enough. The present moment is the best gift I can give you.

Sheryl: Thank you. (hug)

(hug back)

New Year New Changes

New Year, New Changes

Happy New (Gregorian) Year! For many of us in western cultures, this is a time for reflection of the past and planning for the future. We decide to exercise more or diet or organize our living spaces.

I am re-posting a conversation I had with The Creator in October regarding major changes that we decide to make. We do not make changes for things that are working for us, only for things that are broken in some way. Surrender is a powerful way to fully appreciate and accept a broken life, so that we may make meaningful change.

I wish you a year free of fear and worry with health, happiness, and prosperity, and I gently recommend you make this wish to every one in your life!

Namaste, Sheryl

———————————————————————————————————

2014 October 26

Sheryl: Hi, God.

God: Hi, Me… Us. You want to talk about surrender?

Sheryl: Yes, and acceptance. Is there a difference? And can we use them to help ourselves and others?

God: Yes, that’s a lot to talk about. I think of acceptance and surrender along the same lines. Surrender is acceptance with much greater intensity. You see, acceptance of the little things that can’t be changed can give you a happy demeanor. It can make your life easier to live.

Sheryl: When I think of acceptance, I think of accepting people as they are. I think of accepting unchangeable environments. For example, when we were in Hawaii, we had to accept that the cost of comfortable housing was above our budget.

God: Yes, acceptance is for all the little things. Surrender is acceptance for EVERYTHING. Surrender is helpful when there are so many little things in your life you cannot embrace and you cannot change that you don’t know what to do.

That brings me to the difference between accepting and embracing. Accepting a person does not mean embracing her. Accepting a situation does not mean embracing it. Your lives are a compound of many millions of “things.” “Things” include people, physical environment like sights and sounds, personal decisions, and so much more. When the number of “things” that you cannot change or embrace becomes too many, you struggle mightily. You can choose to continue to struggle – not a fix. You can choose to break down – not a fix. You can choose to take out your frustrations on innocent victims – abuse, is what I call this.

Or you can choose to surrender. Surrender means you accept EVERYTHING. It does not mean you embrace it. Surrender requires that YOU change. You change your environment. You change your habits. You change people in your life. You change something. And sometimes, you change everything.

Sheryl: Surrender is an act of desperation.

God: Yes, it is. When you surrender, you say, “Hey, I can’t stand the way things are, but they are what they are. I will have to change myself if I want peace.”

Sheryl: You remind me of surrender in war times and of the work of organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous.

God: Surrender occurs when all other tries have failed. There is beauty in it. There is strength in it. There is peace in it. You lay down your defenses against your environment, so you can accept it and move away from it. That is surrender.

Sheryl: Thank you.

 

What Would The Creator Do

What Would The Creator Do?

Transcending the religious tenets of the world is a spiritual belief that we carry the divine spark of God within us. Some describe this as being made in God’s image.

I am reminded of WWJD, the question that was popular in the Christian world some years ago: What Would Jesus Do? I’d like to steal idea that and ask “What Would The Creator Do?” When we act as if God would act, we align ourselves with that divine spark.

Would God get anxious or worried? Or would God relax and just work with what’s at hand?

Would God insist that life work a particular way? Or would God be content to accept the natural opportunities life presents?

Would God be loud and insistent on being heard? Or would God be quiet, listening, learning and then humbly taking action?

If you are having a hard time answering these questions, please ask your ego to rest quietly and let your soul — your divine spark — answer them in its unassuming way.

What Would The Creator Do?

Namaste, Sheryl

world peace

World Peace

In a scene from the comedy movie, “Miss Congeniality,” beauty pageant emcee Stan Fields conducts an onstage interview of Gracie Hart, an ill-mannered FBI agent who has unwillingly gone undercover as a pageant contestant.

  • Stan Fields:    “What is the one most important thing our society needs?”
  • Gracie Hart:   “That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan…”
  • [the crowd is silent]
  • Gracie Hart:    “…And world peace!”
  • [the crowd cheers wildly]

I am like Gracie Hart. I will say that I have spent most of my life with the opinion that world peace was utterly unattainable. The best we could do, I figured, was to attain my favorite 80/20 ratio:  80% of people living free and unmolested and 20% oppressed or under fire in some way.

In the past years as I’ve thrown myself into the study of The Creator — you may call this the study of spirituality or of New Age ideas or of spiritual truths — I have realized that world peace is attainable.  I have learned from leaders who insisted on reconciliation in the face of violence: Nelson Mandela, Mohatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King, Jr..

I have learned that the force of a society, a culture, a religion or a government is nowhere near strong enough to bring about world peace. It is the force of a single person, connecting to another single person through an act of kindness or a simple smile who connects to another and another and another.

Imagine a room the size of an indoor basketball arena. It is pitch black and filled with people holding unlit candles. Ask the government to light the candles, and by the time the government employees are finished lighting them, many candles will have burnt out, and soon, the arena will be dark again. But have one person light her candle and pass her flame to as many people as she can who pass their flames to as many people as they can, and within minutes the arena will be flooded with light.

This is how we arrive at world peace. We make a conscious effort every day, regardless of our mood or circumstances, to pass along our Light and our kindness. Just your wonderful you, spreading your Light to a few people every day, is all the world needs to be at peace.

Namaste,  Sheryl